


Inappropriate Workplace Behavior

by Emanium



Category: DCU
Genre: Established Relationship, Exhibitionism, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-31 03:15:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8561470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emanium/pseuds/Emanium
Summary: Sometimes too much is too much. Good thing the League has a complaint system.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted under a secondary account with the intention of keeping my AO3 more organized-- sadly both accounts are getting more jumbled lately. Now I'm just merging fics under this primary account. (When you see me doing dumb shtuff like this you can be sure my projects IRL are over.)

"Alright, just a few more to go." Clark muttered, more to himself than his colleagues. He absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair, combing through damp threads showered in debris. His signature spit curl was clamped to his forehead. Not his best look.

Post-saving-the-world meetings were the worst, especially when they weren't of the emergency kind. But staying behind two hours on the Watchtower would spare the League another meeting in about thirty. Which meant earthbound members wouldn't have to drive a javelin home and back in roughly a day and a half. Batman would do just that, just to intimidate everyone into compliance during a battle formation debriefing.

That was twenty minutes ago. Now the ball was thrown back to Superman's field, who nodded, sighed, and flipped the page. "Next up is team feedback. Thank you J'onn for sorting these out."

Opposite him, Batman slumped slightly in his chair. Bruce had always deemed these anonymous feedback forms useless.

"So," Clark cleared his throat. "First one is ticked and marked, 'Complaint: Inappropriate Workplace Behavior'." He raised an eyebrow, flipping it to the back. "What the f- hmph." He censored himself, catching Hal stifling a snort. "-am I in a gay porn studio or what," Clark read, his voice deadpan. "Can someone get me filters in my domino mask."

He looked up and remarked with a straight face, "Very informative, not to mention leaning towards homophobic. Any idea what that's supposed to mean?"

His gaze swept across his colleagues' faces. No one answered him. No one seemed particularly bewildered either. He chanced a glance at Bruce, who returned him an equally blank stare.

"You have something to say, Lantern?"

Hal leaned in with a shameless smirk. "I'm not the only one wearing a domino mask. Why don't you ask Arrow?"

Clark shrugged and turned to Ollie. "Well?"

"Contrary to popular belief, I don't swear on paper," Ollie retorted, pulling the sheet out of Superman's hand. "Besides this handwriting is pretty shitty even for my standards."

J'onn interrupted. "This is an open group evaluation survey, Kal. We've agreed that entries remain anonymous."

"We have." Clark admitted. "But evaluation implies some ground for improvement, and right now that's little more legible than gibberish."

"You've got the World's Greatest Detective at your disposal and you're telling me you can't solve a little word puzzle?" Hal retorted.

Clark glanced uncertainly between J'onn and Hal. Bruce's poker face wasn't any help. "We'll skip it for now," he concluded. "Next up, 'Complaint,'" he read aloud, frowning as he spoke. "'I don't care what you do, please tell me these desks are clean.' Are they not?"

Arthur stared back. "You tell me."

Clark shrugged. "Not a speck where I can see, and I have microscopic vision."

Barry chimed in, "Good to know. I eat here."

"You should eat in the cafeteria then." Bruce suggested.

Hal sneered. "Oh Bats, I'm like ninety-nine per cent sure that was _not_ aimed towards Flash."

"Complaint. I know it lasted not so long, no offence. But with the speed my brain works it felt like an entire afternoon. And the corridor doors were all open. Soundproofing, anyone?" At that, Barry feigned a yawn.

"Complaint. Fight for your love with an Amazonian spirit is what I say, but everything has an appropriate time and place. You have challenged my tolerance for unprofessional behavior." Clark looked up at Diana, who was calmly cleaning her bloodied sword with a handkerchief.

"Complaint," Clark read on. This 'Complaint' had a strikethrough, and instead above it someone wrote in bold letters, 'Congratulations'. "You have my blessing, Earthlings. Although keeping your thoughts at bay during League meetings is of paramount importance." Clark's cheeks warmed slightly at another strikethrough. "Earthling and Kryptonian." His voice faltered. Still clutching the agenda in his hands, he sneaked a peek at Bruce. His partner's exposed jaw was set frozen and unflinching.

"Complaint," Clark continued after a nervous gulp. "Everyone could hear…" He trailed off, reading faster in silence than aloud, which was his smartest move so far, because what followed was, '... the pounding in the washroom stall. And let's be honest, B., nothing gets more disturbing than your two sons listening to you moan while sparring in the neighboring training room."

"Hear what?" Hal drawled purposefully.

"Um-"

Batman stood up abruptly, palms planted firmly on the table. "Meeting adjourned," he declared.

Hal earned himself a batarang with a loud snort.

* * *

**Two Weeks Ago**

"The encryption upgrade should be prioritized in case of remote hacking, especially in face of Luthor's recent endeavours."

"He's just been arrested, Bats." Barry popped another donut into his mouth. He'd already cleared a plate in the time Bruce took to finish his sentence. "I know you don't trust the MPD and neither do I, but he's only human and I don't think he'll get out in less than a week this time. Not that I think humans are any less capable than metas." He added hastily.

"With the right connections, he'll make it out in two days. And let me remind you, Lex Luthor does have the right connections."

"Yeah, multi billionaires bailing themselves out of jail, what else is new?" Hal chimed in, clearly uncaring. He conjured a green wristwatch, tapped it thrice, and turned to Clark. "Let the paranoid freak prioritize it, Supes. The clearance sale at my local supermarket begins at four. My milk expired last Saturday, my bread's moldy, and I need fresh eggs. What's next on that list?"

Clark suppressed his own relieved sigh and flipped the page. There were still a few more to go, and the stack was printed on double sides. If he, admittedly a man of patience, was bored, Bruce was certainly faring no better. Not to mention he was _horny_. Luthor's attack had hit the Watchtower right when things were heating up under the sheets. It'd been five hours past and he was just desperate to get back onto a mattress. "Uh, Nightwing proposed bathing facilities on the Watchtower."

"Seconded," Barry raised his hand while holding a chunk of chocolate brownie. Crumbs rained onto the table. "Although Nightwing comes up here like what, twice a year?"

"Thrice a month, on average." Bruce frowned. "Not a priority."

"Look, I'd love a free jacuzzi, but honestly it can wait. Is there anything at all important on that list?" Hal yawned, tapping the desktop again. A larger hand stemmed out of his ring and did the same.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I just did the compilation for our meeting." Clark said defensively. He flipped another page, then he grimaced, turning to Bruce. "Security updates?"

Rare as it was, Bruce seemed to struggle with his next words. "Might as well," he grumbled. Then he sighed and stood up, sending Clark a meaningful gaze. _"Even for me, Beloved, this gathering is lasting too long. Entertain me."_

"Uh," Clark glanced around, watching for funny expressions, but no one seemed to have heard the same thing he did. "What?"

"I said, 'might as well'," Batman was glaring at him with his typical are-you-dumb face. "Cyborg alerted me to make updates to the Watchtower firewall and identification systems. Either way you all need to learn how to use these million-dollar equipment properly. I don't doubt your ability to break these in two days if I postpone this lecture." He swiped his cape to the side, picked up a laser pointer, and stalked up to the projector. The metal stand hid his lower body from view, all except to Clark, who sat at the farthest end of the table. _"Would you like to play?"_

There was an erotic undertone to his Kryptonian choice of vocabulary- and yes, Clark finally realized Bruce was selectively speaking in Kryptonian. More like whispering phrases at a volume that demanded super hearing. Slowly he nodded, in quiet answer to Bruce's question.

_"Scan me."_

Clark did as he was told. There was nothing amiss with Bruce's body under his armor, no broken bones or tissue damage. Then Bruce sent him a momentary smirk that made him look twice, and his cheeks warmed slightly when he spotted a foreign object inserted up Bruce's ass.

_"Do me the honor, Kal, distract me from the mundane matter at hand."_

All Clark had in mind at that point though, was- _You have got to be kidding me._

"I should demonstrate how the entry scanners work, lest you superpowered aliens decide to destroy the newly installed machines at their first run." Batman threw a condescending look at Superman's direction. Then without warning, he literally threw a small object towards Clark, who caught it easily with one hand.

Clark spotted the same object dangling off Diana's waist, but from x-ray vision that one was really just a key. Whereas his was-

He tested a button, and Rao forbid the oddly-shaped silicone-whatever composite started _vibrating_.

And Bruce, that bastard, didn't even spare him a glance. He still maintained his indestructible composure as he explained, "Superman, Wonder Woman, and I have universal, emergency clearance-" He held up a control in his hand that was identical to the one he had just thrown to Superman, except Clark had no doubt that _that_ one was actually an entry key.

Hal raised his hand. "Yeah well what if you three turn rogue? Do we abandon the Watchtower?"

Clark spotted the arrow on his remote control, so subtly he pressed it once, then twice. J'onn turned to his direction with a questioning glance, to which he stretched a tight smile across his face.

"There are countermeasures to this emergency access, which would be meaningless if I divulged them to members of the League." Bruce assured the audience calmly, like there wasn't a vibrating sex toy stuffed up his ass. Clark found it surreal. He kept pressing the arrow. Bruce continued, after taking a small breath, "Needless to say, there are enough restrictions in place that if someone possessed our bodies or controlled our minds, they will not have access to the Watchtower or any information therein."

"What? That's no fair," Hal groaned.

"Deal with it, Lantern." Bruce snapped back, with a shaky edge to his voice that was previously not there. His speech might be coherent but his racing heart beat was a dead giveaway.

And boy was Clark enjoying this. He could see the reaction of Bruce's body under his suit, the tight clench of his muscles, the slight tremble of his hips, the sheen of sweat that was starting to soak his under suit-

J'onn was watching him with a disapproving frown.

_"What?"_ Clark pushed the thought to the forefront of his mind, feigning innocence.

_"You're projecting very loudly."_ J'onn returned telepathically. _"I never considered mind-reading a curse but I am now rescinding my initial judgment."_

"-which the Martian Manhunter can operate on a twenty-four hour basis. Is that understood?" Batman sent a glare so cold to J'onn that even Clark shivered behind him. There was a dare in his gaze, low and dangerous. _Try exposing us,_ Clark imagined Bruce was projecting in his head. _I'll make you pay._

J'onn didn't sigh aloud, but the slump of his shoulders was enough of a response. "Of course, Batman."

"Good." Bruce returned to his slides, still impossibly composed. It irked Clark that Bruce could still manage his flawless acting even though his cock was straining against his armor. He could see a pearl of precum gathering at the tiny slit, could catch the very fraction of a second when it touches the fabric of Bruce's under suit to become a small, almost invisible stain. Invisible to anyone but him.

He could also feel himself hardening at this strange erotic sight. Unfortunately for him, Superman's suit left almost nothing to imagination, so subtly he pulled his cape over to cover his front.

Hal spared one short, oblivious look at him, then he sneaked a hand to Barry's plate and grabbed a donut.

Still the damned bat was droning on, as Clark absentmindedly tested all the buttons on his control.

"OS 9.4.1 requires iris authentication and level two-" It wasn't until Bruce accidentally made eye contact with him that the man's attention wavered for half a second. "Level two access requires a retina-" Yet it seemed, once Bruce made his first mistake, his concentration broke off much more easily. Only Clark could see how flustered Bruce was beneath the cowl at his own lack of control, but he wasn't about to stop. There was too much enjoyment in seeing his partner's first sign of breakdown.

Bruce swallowed slowly and corrected himself. "-a DNA scan."

"Wait, so is it retina or DNA?" Hal- ever so courageous Hal- interrupted.

For an indiscernible moment, Batman looked dazed, and Clark really, really felt sorry for him. He could see all of Bruce's bodily reactions, see the way the bat's usually intimidating posture got less dominating by the second, see the squirm of his body and the bit of lube that was leaking, slowly trailing down his thighs.

Then Bruce frowned. "I said DNA."

Hal frowned back. "No, you said retina, then you switched to DNA. So I don't know whether to smack my eyeball at the scanner when I come in, or my hand. Which makes a bit of a difference cause last time I did the latter I almost lost my fucking arm-"

"It's DNA," Clark interrupted, and J'onn nodded in quick agreement.

"Oh come on, I can't be the only one who heard the _Batman_ make a mistake." Poor Hal looked around, his expression put out.

"I wasn't paying enough attention to notice." Barry confessed.

"Some of us have survival instincts," Arthur added.

Bruce humphed with what sounded like annoyance, though Clark could guess that was to stifle a moan. Then he continued, "On level three the corridors are deliberately one-way with heat-" He shut his eyes this time, biting his lower lip. "Motion. Motion sensors."

"Ha!" Hal blurted out. At Batman's glare, and this time it was deadly, his voice faltered. "Ha. Hm."

"Walking in the wrong direction will trigger the alarm and set all level three access areas into immediate lockdown," Bruce spoke again, this time at a speed so fast it took all of Clark's resolve not to laugh. "So you know where to go when you have a gun pointing at your back. User-specific manuals have been sent to your private quarters. For the time being that is all. Questions?"

"Not that I can think of." J'onn rose abruptly. "Catastrophes aside I will see you all next Sunday."

"Yikes, still have to go to the supermarket!" Hal followed him out.

"Thank you for the key." Diana patted the key on her waist.

"I can't believe I sat through a three hour meeting." Barry noted, gathering his empty plates.

"Fever?" Arthur asked, walking up to Bruce. "You look uncomfortable."

"I'm fine." Bruce ground out.

"If you say so." Arthur gave him an unconvinced look. He turned to Clark, who was only slightly better at hiding the blush in his face. "See you next monitor duty."

Once the door was shut, Clark crept up to Bruce at super speed and wrapped his arms around him from behind. "You kinky bastard. What in the world. Why are you even into this sort of thing?"

"You enjoyed it." Bruce pointed out, if the hard bulge against his ass was anything to go by.

"You made me extremely uncomfortable. In a League meeting, no less."

"Is that a complaint?"

"It's a compliment. No one else could have done that to me. No one would have the guts to." Clark turned him around and cupped his erection, and despite the armor in between, Bruce took a sharp intake of breath that was almost loud enough to be a moan. "You're so sensitive."

"There are surveillance cameras here," Bruce panted.

"You think that's going to stop me?" When he didn't get an answer, he changed tactics. "Okay, so where is the closest place on this wing that doesn't have a surveillance camera which I can just fly you to in a millisecond?"

Bruce dragged him in for a kiss so possessive that it made his knees weak. "The washroom?"

Clark mumbled an agreement.

* * *

**Now**

"In retrospect," Clark admitted, "That was not the best place to have sex."

"I wasn't thinking very clearly then." Bruce waved him away, still concentrating on updating his database.

Clark shrugged, carelessly pulling open a few drawers as he strolled around the Batcave. "Bet you weren't thinking very clearly when you threw me that remote. Actually," His hand froze, "Are you serious?"

Bruce swirled around in his chair, his eyebrow raised. "What?"

Clark was holding his forehead as he held up an object that looked very much like what was up Bruce's ass the other day. "Just how many of these do you have?"

Bruce looked surprisingly comfortable with that. "It's a new line of product at WayneTech. I was just experimenting with what's most pleasurable."

"Christ." Clark placed it back. "Do you always have to be such a tease?"

"I like to keep my partner interested." Bruce said matter-of-factly. "Does it bother you?"

_Well some very graphic images are setting my head spinning right now._ "Do I look bothered?" He muttered gruffly, leaning against a table for support.

There was a telltale smirk on Bruce's face as he approached him, carefully taking the sex toy out of Clark's hand and setting it on the desktop. "You do, very much," he murmured. "Well, I'll see what I can do to help."


End file.
